Why can’t I be a player too?

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In so many media outlets that I see when I step out the door, men are seen as these figures that are supposed to be able to have a sexual and crazy lifestyle that is bigger than life. Men are expected to go through the “crazy bachelor years” where is all about alcohol, money and drugs before setting down with the “perfect” woman to bless with their kids. The public’s perceptions on promiscuity and youth in women is yet another place that our society has put a glass ceiling on the actions that women project in order to keep men dominant. Rappers like R. Kelly and Usher make this a perfect example of a woman having sex with two guys in a song. Yet both artists make songs about themselves having sex and cheating on women that highly influenced their careers.

I know a guy that is almost 30 years old and can recount on having sex with over two HUNDRED women and no one thinks that that is a problem within anyone that we have been around. That is a very extreme example but I am the only person to ever call him out on it. People accept it because he is a man and women continue to sleep with him on a regular basis. He still sees himself marrying a woman with a low sexual count and high morals, but hold this as a double standard to himself.

My big question is, what if this was a woman?

This would be you (figurative guy out there).

What if you (as a guy) was having a conversation with your wife and she told you that she had sex with two HUNDRED men? Would you divorce her? Would you think she is going to cheat on you? Would you think you should get tested? Would you then need to know about everything she did in her “crazy twenties?

For most men I have met, this would be the part where slut shaming would begin.

I have even had a talk with my friend and he said that he would never date a “skank” or “hoe”.

When I asked him, he said, “just someone who is easy to have sex with”.

I asked, “how would you know that?”

He said, “her number”


I was a complete daddy’s girl growing up and my single father told me that I could be anything that I wanted to be and as I grew up. I was raised by a big man with big guns and he treated me like a girl and raised me like an equal competitor to anyone and anything in the way of what I want. I pay my own bills and I have a brain that is just as efficient than a man’s, if not more. I am an independent and beautiful woman. Why should I not be able to pick up a guy without feeling like a slut (babe: figuratively of course)? Why can’t I walk down the street in something tight that makes me feel confident and absolutely gorgeous? What is wrong with having sex with men and having “crazy twenties” without being scared I’ll never find love? Why cant I be a PLAYER too? Why can’t I have multiple sexual partners or one night stands? What makes me a slut if you fucked me too.

I grew up listening to the Pussycat Dolls (one of my first CDs) sing abouttaking people’s boyfriends and telling people to pop off the buttons to their clothes. And then cooing about not needing a man to get them off in the next track. Women should be able to show that type of confidence in their sexuality without receiving the shame that is implied with it today. Sexuality is something that you feel because its chemically, physically and mentally right for that specific individual. If that means having sex with every person in sight, or not, that should be every AND any WOMAN’s right to make. That is a personal choice and a woman should have the same right as a man to make that decision, without being compared to their place in a man’s head.

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